Nicole Carlyle

But today, today hurt my heart.

One resident with dementia had forgotten her brother had past way and part of my job today was making sure she watched the funeral by livestream but because she had forgotten it was me breaking the news that he past. We sat on her bed hugging both with tears running down our faces. Then up I got, wiped my face, left her room and the smile was back on my face.  I saw Roma, sweet sweet Roma wandering the corridor. I embraced her with the biggest cuddle and felt all her stress leave her body. She tearfully said thank you, that she hadn't been hugged in ages and how much she loves me. I think I needed that hug just as much as she did.

I then pass Bob and his wife Mary. Bob lives at home and visits Mary everyday (a bit of  their story is in my last post) Mary's face lit up when I came running over for a hug. Bob was so pleased to see me. We spoke about my nan and the marathon I am doing. Bob said he can tell I've been around someone with dementia, the deflecting, attention to detail, the love.  When Bob was leaving he walked Mary over to me, their goodbyes get harder and harder, it would make anyone tear up. The helplessness in his eyes, the sadness in both of theirs and the long lasting love. We sat and held hands both smiling. I took my eyes off her for one minute and looked back to see her crying. Not just a normal cry a really sad cry. I took her upstairs to our work cafe to get a hot chocolate and a biscuit, she was happy until she asked me when her mum and dad were coming to get her. I said a bit later around dinner time and she sobbed telling me how scared she was how she just wanted to go home to her mum and dad.  My heart broke and I fought back tears. It took some time but when I left her she was surrounded by her friends all singing along to Elvis like nothing had happened. 

More times then not this is my day. It's the highs of bingo and bus outings and it's the lows of seeing a 80+ year old wanting their mum.

I've worked in my current role for just over 3 months now. Everyday I visit and say hello to everyone including memory support. Yes they dont know my name or if I am a staff member, stranger or family member but they know my face. In particular 4 women in memory support will automatically put there hands out for a cuddle when they see me because that's a routine, that's a sosiation they have with my face and personal touch.

There is this lady...let's call her Mary, Mary's husband lives at home and visits her every second day. Each time he leaves her it's heartbreaking for the two of them but Rob, Mary's husband finds comfort in Mary's familiarity with me and how her behaviours change when I am around. Sometimes when Rob needs to leave for the day he will ask for me so I can go down and be with her.

She doesn't know my name but she knows me, we hug so tight, we hold hands, we look at each other and time stands still. We have the most amazing connection and I just adore her. She has her days were she doesn't want to eat, she's angry and she just wants to go home to her mum and dad but she knows faces, she knows connection and she is beautiful.

Dementia is a disease that takes over the brain of a loved one but that loved one doesn't go away completely, they are still here.